Scattered Seeds

Tag: bible

  • It is Well

    This hymn played at the funeral for two of my daughters. On this date, two years ago, my loves left this earth. A nightmare. A tragedy. My heart shattered into more pieces than I ever thought possible–not only losing my girls but watching the grief of those I love and being unable to comfort them. We sang the song “It is Well” and it truly was for me. Amid the darkness, I knew my Jesus held me and I trusted the One who created everything in existence, including my beautiful girls.

    Two years later, it is still well with my soul, but in an entirely different way. I miss them. . . oh, how I miss them. God has done such a work in my heart and in my life. People have said things like “So sad their lives were cut short. . .” “Oh, they are missing so much.” That’s not how I see it. When I look at my Bible, I don’t see any place that says they were taken “too soon.” It was absolutely too soon for me. However, all of our days are numbered. The Lord God knew exactly how many days Wendy and Nonnie would have. They lived their ENTIRE lives. I would have been so happy to have them here for the rest of my life on earth. I’d have loved to see Nonnie watch her boy grow up. How fun it would have been to see she and her husband grow their cattle herd and their family. How exciting to have watched Wendy find and marry the man God had for her and see where her life went.

    Here’s the thing. I have a tiny little life on this broken earth. I can only see the finite and the temporal, but the Lord has given me a broader perspective. Because my girls had given their lives to Jesus–because they trusted in Him and lived for Him–when their lives were completed, He called them Home to live with Him for eternity. My girls–MY GIRLS–are seated today at a table with Jesus!!! Think of that! The glory and majesty and splendor of Heaven is theirs!! And when my life here is done, I’ll join them for eternity.

    Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 NIV

  • Peace

    You’ve heard it said that there’s a “peace that passes all understanding.” If you’re anything like me, that phrase hasn’t meant much. I mean, if it passes all understanding, how can we really grasp it? Honestly, I hadn’t ever really given this all-surpassing peace much thought. And then my children died. That peace–THAT peace–flooded in and filled my being. FILLED. MY. BEING. It does indeed pass all understanding. I don’t know if I can even describe it, but I’ll try.

    When I got the call that two of my daughters had left this world, everything shattered. My joy, my peace, my ability to grasp anything else around me–all equilibrium vanished. I was numb. And panicked. And devastated. And all the other things you could imagine. When I spoke the name of Jesus, those things didn’t all leave, but a Peace washed over me like I had never before experienced. I knew life would never be the same, but I knew that Jesus held me and the Holy Spirit walked with me. Something so deep and comforting settled into my soul and dwelt there. It anchored me while I felt (and sometimes didn’t feel) all of the emotions that accompany grief and loss.

    We are approaching two years since my sweet girls left. This fact occupies my mind quite a bit. My feelings ride a rollercoaster and my body remembers. Underneath all of that remains all-surpassing Peace. My Father still holds me. The Holy Spirit dwells within me and walks with me. Without this Peace, I would not be here today. I know for a fact that I would have chosen to leave this world shortly after my daughters did. Instead, there is joy in each new day. There are plans and things to anticipate. I have wonderful memories and can remember my girls with delight and so very much love.

    I have the peace that passes all understanding. It is well with my soul.

    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV