Scattered Seeds

Tag: faith

  • Bright Spot

    Lately, I’ve been trying to exercise and move my body purposefully a few times a week. Swimming at the city aquatic center has been my most recent activity. I LOVE water. In addition to being good exercise, time in the water soothes my soul and relaxes me.

    During the week, especially early in the day, there are always a number of people exercising in the continuous river. Some walk with the current, others against it. There are those who stop to do kicks, some who tread water. It seems that everyone has their own rhythm and routine.

    This morning, there was a gentleman there whom I would guess to be in his late thirties. He was walking laps around the river, and it was obvious that he is not mainstream in his intelligence and social skills. Every time he passed one of us, he spoke. Now, there was a person or two who were annoyed at this behavior, but the rest of us enjoyed him. He was very polite and kind. What really made him stand out, however, was his positivity. Each time he spoke to someone, it was to say something kind and encouraging. At one point, I was walking backward and he said “Way to backstep! That’s hard work!” I smiled and thanked him. Around and around he went, cheering everyone on and encouraging.

    I hope that I will see him again. While I’m sure his life has significant challenges, that is not where he focused. His attention was outward and pure. It was so lovely to be around someone with such a bright outlook and honestly, he made my day. How often do I have the opportunity to speak life and encouragement to others? How often do I choose to look past my own “stuff” and see, really SEE others? This man did not know me, but he took the time and effort to say something kind. I want to be more like him. If I see him again, I will make a point to encourage him and tell him what a difference he is making in this little corner of the world.

  • It is Well

    This hymn played at the funeral for two of my daughters. On this date, two years ago, my loves left this earth. A nightmare. A tragedy. My heart shattered into more pieces than I ever thought possible–not only losing my girls but watching the grief of those I love and being unable to comfort them. We sang the song “It is Well” and it truly was for me. Amid the darkness, I knew my Jesus held me and I trusted the One who created everything in existence, including my beautiful girls.

    Two years later, it is still well with my soul, but in an entirely different way. I miss them. . . oh, how I miss them. God has done such a work in my heart and in my life. People have said things like “So sad their lives were cut short. . .” “Oh, they are missing so much.” That’s not how I see it. When I look at my Bible, I don’t see any place that says they were taken “too soon.” It was absolutely too soon for me. However, all of our days are numbered. The Lord God knew exactly how many days Wendy and Nonnie would have. They lived their ENTIRE lives. I would have been so happy to have them here for the rest of my life on earth. I’d have loved to see Nonnie watch her boy grow up. How fun it would have been to see she and her husband grow their cattle herd and their family. How exciting to have watched Wendy find and marry the man God had for her and see where her life went.

    Here’s the thing. I have a tiny little life on this broken earth. I can only see the finite and the temporal, but the Lord has given me a broader perspective. Because my girls had given their lives to Jesus–because they trusted in Him and lived for Him–when their lives were completed, He called them Home to live with Him for eternity. My girls–MY GIRLS–are seated today at a table with Jesus!!! Think of that! The glory and majesty and splendor of Heaven is theirs!! And when my life here is done, I’ll join them for eternity.

    Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 NIV

  • Peace

    You’ve heard it said that there’s a “peace that passes all understanding.” If you’re anything like me, that phrase hasn’t meant much. I mean, if it passes all understanding, how can we really grasp it? Honestly, I hadn’t ever really given this all-surpassing peace much thought. And then my children died. That peace–THAT peace–flooded in and filled my being. FILLED. MY. BEING. It does indeed pass all understanding. I don’t know if I can even describe it, but I’ll try.

    When I got the call that two of my daughters had left this world, everything shattered. My joy, my peace, my ability to grasp anything else around me–all equilibrium vanished. I was numb. And panicked. And devastated. And all the other things you could imagine. When I spoke the name of Jesus, those things didn’t all leave, but a Peace washed over me like I had never before experienced. I knew life would never be the same, but I knew that Jesus held me and the Holy Spirit walked with me. Something so deep and comforting settled into my soul and dwelt there. It anchored me while I felt (and sometimes didn’t feel) all of the emotions that accompany grief and loss.

    We are approaching two years since my sweet girls left. This fact occupies my mind quite a bit. My feelings ride a rollercoaster and my body remembers. Underneath all of that remains all-surpassing Peace. My Father still holds me. The Holy Spirit dwells within me and walks with me. Without this Peace, I would not be here today. I know for a fact that I would have chosen to leave this world shortly after my daughters did. Instead, there is joy in each new day. There are plans and things to anticipate. I have wonderful memories and can remember my girls with delight and so very much love.

    I have the peace that passes all understanding. It is well with my soul.

    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV