You’ve heard it said that there’s a “peace that passes all understanding.” If you’re anything like me, that phrase hasn’t meant much. I mean, if it passes all understanding, how can we really grasp it? Honestly, I hadn’t ever really given this all-surpassing peace much thought. And then my children died. That peace–THAT peace–flooded in and filled my being. FILLED. MY. BEING. It does indeed pass all understanding. I don’t know if I can even describe it, but I’ll try.
When I got the call that two of my daughters had left this world, everything shattered. My joy, my peace, my ability to grasp anything else around me–all equilibrium vanished. I was numb. And panicked. And devastated. And all the other things you could imagine. When I spoke the name of Jesus, those things didn’t all leave, but a Peace washed over me like I had never before experienced. I knew life would never be the same, but I knew that Jesus held me and the Holy Spirit walked with me. Something so deep and comforting settled into my soul and dwelt there. It anchored me while I felt (and sometimes didn’t feel) all of the emotions that accompany grief and loss.
We are approaching two years since my sweet girls left. This fact occupies my mind quite a bit. My feelings ride a rollercoaster and my body remembers. Underneath all of that remains all-surpassing Peace. My Father still holds me. The Holy Spirit dwells within me and walks with me. Without this Peace, I would not be here today. I know for a fact that I would have chosen to leave this world shortly after my daughters did. Instead, there is joy in each new day. There are plans and things to anticipate. I have wonderful memories and can remember my girls with delight and so very much love.
I have the peace that passes all understanding. It is well with my soul.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 ESV
Scattered Seeds 